To Love and Heal (The Power of Love Series) Read online

  "You're right. But of course, he doesn't see it that way." A few moments of silence passed, followed by the sound of Caleb's truck pulling into the driveway. "Here," Joel offered as he grabbed a napkin off the lawn table and handed it to Anna. "There can be no signs of weakness in front of Marines," he added with a wink.

  Anna quickly dabbed at her eyes, appreciative of the gesture and determined to release the pull of her heavy thoughts so that the three of them could enjoy a much-needed lighthearted afternoon.

  Three hours and much good-natured ribbing and easy laughter later, she felt she had succeeded. As he finished off a six-pack of beer, Joel stood up from the lawn chair and stretched. "Well, folks, looks like I'd better head home to the missus before she calls me again to check up on me."

  Caleb grinned. "Can't blame her. I wouldn't trust your sorry ass either."

  Joel wound his arm back as if readying for a pretend punch, but Caleb met him halfway and the two commenced with mutual slaps on the back."

  "It's good to see you, man," Joel said. "Take care of yourself."

  Caleb nodded, his previously relaxed face showing signs of strain. Joel looked over at Anna, who was oblivious to their conversation as she gathered up condiments from the earlier impromptu cookout and headed for the house. He turned back to Caleb. "So what do you think of Anna?"

  Caleb's eyes were already trailing her, very much appreciating how her curvy body filled out her jeans in all the right places, her chestnut hair bouncing on her shoulders, a rich contrast to her equally form-fitting white sleeveless shirt.

  "She's a great person. Took a chance on me with this job−"

  Joel studied him closely. "No, what do you really think?"

  "I think I like you better when you're acting like a big kid who can't be serious about anything."

  "You know that's just an act, right?"

  Caleb grinned at Joel's half-hearted attempt to disguise his true self. "Yeah, right."

  "Well, she seems to, you know, like you …"

  "I think she likes the job I'm doing−"

  Joel halted him with his hand. "Bro, all I'm going to say is open your eyes. You need a good woman to come into your life. She's not in a relationship with anyone, is she?"

  "Doesn't seem that way."

  "Well? What's the problem then?"

  "Look, man – there's no way I have anything to offer her. She's beautiful, she has her own business, she knows where she's going in life. I don't even know where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing six months from now."

  "Maybe she can help you figure that out."

  Caleb rolled his eyes. "What, do I have to start calling you Dr. Phil now?"

  Joel grinned. "No – Dr. Joel will do. Just trust me on this one."

  Anna turned back just as she was about to open the back door to the house. "Are you leaving?" she asked Joel, one hand on the doorknob and another balancing a tray of condiments.

  "Yeah … I was about to head out soon. Thanks for everything."

  She placed the tray on the ground and walked back over. "It was nice to meet you."

  "You, too," he replied, shaking her hand and then surprising her with a hug. "Take care of my boy here," he said as Caleb shook his head and rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless.

  "I think she has better things to do than babysit the guy who's remodeling her house," he said.

  Joel shot Anna a knowing look, as if he could convey his true wishes for Caleb through his eyes. Her eyes acknowledged that perhaps he could.

  After a partial initial cleanup, Anna retreated to her office to get in a few hours of work. There had been no such thing as a fully work-free weekend since starting her own business, but the good thing was she could steal a few hours here and there if needed without having to leave her house. Dusk had turned to a moonlit sky by the time she returned to the backyard for one last trash roundup. She was surprised to find Caleb throwing beer cans into a garbage bag.

  "You don't have to do that," she said.

  "Seeing as Joel and I emptied the cans, I think that's the least I can do."

  She smiled. "Careful. I've been thinking lately that I could really use a good housekeeper, too."

  In the faint glow of the moon, she could see a reluctant grin cross his lips. As the glint of another beer can caught both their eyes, they simultaneously bent down to grab it, nearly knocking heads in the process.

  "That would have hurt," Anna observed of the near miss, a growing awkwardness swallowing her up whole as Caleb's close proximity sent all of her nerve endings into a tailspin of desire.

  Caleb straightened up first, unexpectedly offering his hand as Anna began to rise as well. Nearly holding her breath with anticipation, she reached out and gently clasped it, her heart quickening as he continued to pull her up and into him, his solid body now braced against hers. As she looked into his pale gray eyes, the accompanying scar muted but still visible in the moonlight, Anna couldn't imagine ever wanting someone to touch or kiss her more. Her craving grew with every motionless second that ticked by, the kind of jittery yet fiery desire that made everything around her seem to disappear. He had to be feeling it, too, she thought as his grip on her arms tightened. And then … he slowly let go, the almost nonexistent space between them widening as he slightly stepped back. As disappointment threatened to give way to humiliation, she searched his eyes for an explanation. Had she truly misread the situation by projecting her one-sided desire onto him? But his eyes told a different story, which only added to her puzzlement.

  "I'd better go," he said quietly, though his words hit her like a full-decibel shout. "I had a nice time today," he added awkwardly before turning around and heading back to the guesthouse.

  So nice that you can't wait to leave, Anna thought to herself as she headed back to the house. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had misjudged the situation in an embarrassingly major way … and she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

  As Caleb closed the guesthouse door behind him, his eyes followed suit, as though squeezing them shut would also block out any recollection of what had just transpired moments before. He sat down on his bed, almost dazed as he tried to decipher his own actions that somehow still seemed foreign to him. One thing was certain – his head must really be screwed up if it directed him to put the brakes on something – and someone – that he wanted so badly. He sighed as he rubbed his throbbing temples, wishing that the pain were the result of too many beers instead of the mixed bag of emotions that were a byproduct of Joel's visit. On the one hand, he couldn't have been happier to see Joel. They had forged a lifelong friendship in Afghanistan, a bond that few could understand since it had developed in large part on trying to stall death for each other on a daily basis – something that most people couldn't possibly comprehend. But on the other hand, Joel did not come alone today. He came with a potent reminder of a day … a moment … that forever changed Caleb's life, a moment that created regret and guilt still so viscerally felt that it had almost become a life form of its own, one that walked into the yard invisibly by Joel's side and never left. Joel never even mentioned their time in Afghanistan during his visit – he knew better than to open up that ugly can of worms – but he didn't have to. His mere presence was enough to send Caleb inwardly reeling back to a time and place that he apparently could never leave behind.

  So yes, the evening had ended awkwardly, and he had denied both Anna and himself the chance to act on their strong yet unspoken attraction to each other. But as the blackness inside of him pulsated in sync with his throbbing headache, he could only conclude one thing: the further he stayed away from crossing that line … the more he was doing her a favor.

  FOUR

  "Morning," Anna said cheerfully as she aimed a water hose at the flower beds along the front lawn. Caleb had just pulled his truck into the driveway, his hair still damp from a post-workout shower at the local gym. His face looked almost relaxed as he stepped out the truck, no doubt aided by some endorphin
-releasing exercise, Anna surmised.

  Nearly two weeks had passed since the disappointing ending to an otherwise enjoyable afternoon, and gradually they had eased back into a comfortable rapport, albeit one that was limited to a platonic work situation.

  Caleb peered up at the hazy sun. "Looks like it's going to be a hot one today."

  "I know – that's why I wanted to get out here and water everything before it starts to wilt with the heat."

  The intensity of his stare dropped down from the sky and landed squarely on Anna, instantly adding several degrees to the already warm temperature.

  "So, you're going to be at the cookout today, right?" she asked.

  "Cookout?"

  She studied his face for several moments, wondering if it were possible that he had no recollection of her invitation just two days earlier. "Fourth of July … barbecue … beers …"

  He grinned. "And don't forget Crystal Light."

  She sighed for effect. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you."

  "Nope. "

  "Just for that, you're going to be in charge of getting the grill going."

  "It's a holiday – that means I have the day off," he teased, clearly playing along.

  "Company will be here around one, so you better get it in gear before that."

  "You remind me of one of my drill sergeants." He paused, trying to remain stone-faced. "I didn't listen to him, either."

  That Caleb felt at ease enough to be talking about his military experiences – and be making a joke about it, no less – was equal parts shocking and comforting to Anna. It was as if he had turned a corner, the one-way street of traumatic memories in his mind now an open road that flowed in both directions. No doubt much was still rooted in the past, but perhaps now he could also begin to move forward.

  "So who's coming to this historic event?"

  "Just my parents and my friend Tina – your admirer from afar – and do you remember me telling you to invite your brother and sister-in-law?"

  "Yes."

  "And?"

  "They thought it was very nice of you to invite the family of hired help to a cookout."

  Anna grinned. "Does that mean they're coming over?"

  "Only if they have nothing better to do."

  As the easy banter continued, Anna couldn't help but feel almost relieved to see how Caleb seemed to be growing more comfortable in his skin with every day. Perhaps she had been too dire in her earlier conclusion that he would be trapped in a place of only half-healing unless he sought counseling. It was instance in which she was uncharacteristically only too glad to have been wrong about something.

  Anna protectively glanced over at Caleb as guests began filtering in, the knot in her stomach slowly unwinding as she watched him converse animatedly with his brother while flipping burgers on the grill. As if reading her thoughts, his sister-in-law, Charlene, sidled up to her and watched the scene with an equally contented smile.

  "I don't think I've even seen Caleb look more relaxed – at least not since before the war."

  "That's good to hear," Anna replied, her gaze still fixated on Caleb. "I wasn't sure what he was like before his tour of duties, but I had a feeling that he was less guarded than he is now."

  "Oh, definitely. He was very outgoing and always had some wisecrack on the tip of his tongue. Just a lot of fun to be around – the kind of guy who seemed like he didn't have a care in the world."

  "Not so anymore," Anna said quietly, almost to herself.

  "Don't get me wrong – even before the war, Caleb took his Marine training seriously and was no-nonsense when it came to being the best of the best as a helicopter pilot. He's always been very responsible, but the part of him that could compartmentalize everything and turn off the serious demeanor when it came time to just letting loose and having fun – that seemed to die with that damn war."

  The bitterness that clung to Charlene's final two words caught Anna by surprise, and she turned to Charlene quizzically.

  "Sorry," Charlene said sheepishly.

  "Don't be."

  "It's just that … I mean, I'm far from a political soap boxer and if it weren't for Caleb and some of his fellow soldiers that I've met, I probably wouldn't have much of an opinion one way or another. But sometimes I just wonder if the ends justify the means. I don't know if Caleb ever mentioned his friend Sean, but he lost both legs to a roadside bomb and he's only twenty-three. I just can't fathom …"

  "I know," Anna quietly offered as Charlene's voice trailed off. Squinting in the blazing sun, Anna visually sized up Caleb's very strong and capable body, feeling almost ill within her own knowing that he could have returned in the same life-altering physical condition. She closed her eyes, nearly overwhelmed with an urge to run over and throw her arms around Caleb, hugging him with every fiber of her being and promising never to let him go. Realizing the foolishness of her imagined embrace – and no doubt the unreciprocated feelings behind it – she opened her eyes just as Caleb latched onto them with his own, an unexpected yet almost knowing look shared between them that made her question her earlier conclusion about the one-sidedness of her feelings.

  "I think this job and the overall change of scenery has finally given him a sense of normalcy," Charlene said.

  "It makes me feel good knowing that might be the case. I was worried that he might not get better without some kind of counseling, but he does seem a lot more at ease now."

  "I know – Chuck and I talked to him about seeing someone who specialized in post-traumatic stress disorder, but he wouldn't hear of it."

  Anna smiled, though a brief sadness flashed in her eyes. "Oh, I can picture that."

  Her thoughts were instantly sidelined as a beach ball bounced off the back of her head. The lightweight ball made for a painless collision, but it still startled her nonetheless.

  "George!" Charlene chided as her six-year-old mop-haired son ran over to retrieve the ball. "What did I tell you about being careful if you were bringing that today?"

  "No worries," Anna insisted with a laugh as she saw George's toothy smile melt with remorse. "I'm sure the wind just took it," she said with a wink, though it was clear not a blade of parched grass had rippled under the stifling sun since the day began.

  "Damn, I wish I were a burger right now," Tina purred as she suddenly appeared beside Anna and Charlene. Anna traced Tina's line of vision to Caleb, who had just taken a bite of a burger and dabbed it is juicy remnants at the corner of his mouth.

  Anna shook her head and laughed. "Tina, meet Caleb's sister-in-law, Charlene."

  Tina's mesmerized stare quickly turned wide-eyed with horror. "Oh, I didn't realize…"

  Charlene laughed easily. "Nice to meet you."

  "Same here. And, um, sorry about that. I skipped breakfast and the thought of food–"

  "Yeah, right!" Anna interjected as the three women laughed some more.

  "Your place is looking good," Anna's father said as he joined the trio with Anna's mother close behind.

  "Thanks, Dad," she replied as he leaned in for a hug.

  "My turn," her mother said as she gently followed suit.

  "You should tell Caleb that," Anna said to her father mid-hug as she looked over her mother's shoulder. "I'm sure he'd be glad to hear that."

  "Already did. Seems like a straightforward guy who's got his act together, not like a lot of young men these days."

  "Don't you know," Anna's mother said with a teasing elbow to her husband's ribs. "They broke the mold of greatness when your dad was born, and no man is ever going to measure up the same way."

  Her father rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Well, I am a hard act to follow," he said with a wink.

  Anna grinned. "You sure are, Dad."

  It was almost comforting to see the easy banter between her parents after forty years of marriage, and she couldn't help but wonder if a true lifelong partner would ever be in the cards for her. Though she resisted the urge to look over at Caleb, her tho
ughts nevertheless still drifted to him. But the subject of her attention was closer than she realized.

  "Here you go," Caleb said as he suddenly appeared at her side with a plate in his hand. "One cardboard soy burger, hold the flavor."

  "Very funny," Anna replied as she took the plate and pretended to inspect the burger before voicing her approval. "Looks good."

  "Looks to me more like the sheetrock I was hanging yesterday," Caleb teased with a glint in his eye.

  Anna played along. "You're obviously not evolved enough to understand the significance of a vegetarian diet."

  "Don't let him fool you," Chuck called out from behind the grill. "He actually tried one a few minutes ago and said it wasn't half bad."

  "Busted!" Charlene yelled as Anna playfully poked him in the arm with a plastic fork.

  "Real nice," she said, shaking her head with a reluctant grin. It was an easy, playful exchange that seemed to set the tone for the rest of the afternoon as conversation and laughter flowed naturally amongst everyone as if they had all known each other for years.

  By 5 p.m., clouds were beginning to converge overhead, filtering out the hazy sun for a welcome reprieve from the heat.

  "I'd better put the cover down on the grill," Caleb said as he rose from his lawn chair beside Anna. As a feeling of domestic tranquility settled over her, Anna was forced to remind herself what was real. She closed her eyes, knowing she was becoming far too comfortable with a situation that in reality was little more than a friendly working arrangement. Suddenly, a series of loud explosive pops prompted her eyes to snap open.

  "Awesome – look!" George squealed as he pointed to a purplish pink streak that burst into tiny balls of light cascading over the treetops.

  "That must be fireworks from Granite Park," Anna's father said as all eyes scanned the horizon in anticipation of more.

  Almost instinctively, Anna looked away from the skyline and turned towards Caleb. He was halfway to the grill, yet something about the scene gnawed at her stomach. Her smile vanished as she realized he was frozen in mid-step, his arms rigid at his side and his head facing down. Not wanting to call attention to her concern, Anna quietly walked over and softly called out his name when she was several feet behind him.